It's that time of year again. The days are a little longer, the sun shines a little brighter, you aren't perpetually dusting salt residue off of your hardwood floors. These markers can only indicate one thing: that festival season is just on the horizon.
Taste of Chicago.
Lollapalooza.
Pitchfork. All occasions marking the glorious return of the ever demoralizing Port-O-John. If the thought of waiting in endless lines, carrying a roll of toilet paper around in your bag and worshiping at the altar of Purel hand-sanitizer for the season doesn't make you appreciate the permanent pissoirs around Chicagoland, nothing will. In the grand tradition of arbitrary "Best of" lists, here's a run-down of our favorite destination lavatories.
Most High-Tech: Rodan
New advances in home-bathroom technology have taken a page straight from the Jetsons: Color-therapy infinity tubs, showers with iPod-docking stations and toilet seats that lower themselves are luxury standards these days. But while pimping out your personal WC may be all about function, public restrooms get to employ gadgetry simply for form. Case in point: the super-cool but utterly useless "mirrors" at Wicker Park's swanky AV lounge, Rodan. Video screens are mounted in the place of the usual looking-glasses, a nearby camera provides a glitchy feed of the primping patron—hey, that's you! While the resulting epileptic image doesn't do much for finding those stray bits of spinach in your teeth, it does work wonders for Rodan's overall aesthetic.
Most Rock 'n' Roll: Club Foot and the Hideout.
CBGB's may have been the benchmark for skuzzy punk rock bathrooms, but it doesn't necessarily take decades of urine stains, clogged toilets and a mohawked dude passed out in the corner to properly reflect the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. By derelict dive-bar standards, the facilities at Club Foot could be considered immaculate, but the walls of this Ukie Village joint tell another tale. Papered in punk memorabilia, band stickers and Elvis paraphernalia, the decor is just grungy enough. Although the john of this depraved den makes an impressive showing, it still comes in at a tie with the years of graffiti layered onto the walls of the Hideout's head.
Best View from the Loo: Signature Room at the 95th
Who would have thought that one of the best views in the Midwest comes with a toilet? Situated on the 95th floor of the Hancock Tower, the Signature Room is well-known for killer downtown views; the Sears Tower front and center, cutting through that gorgeous prairie sky. But if you don't snag a window-side table, don't worry; just go powder your nose. Lake Michigan, Chicago's gorgeous cityscape and Navy Pier are all visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows in the women's washroom. The ladies room owes its stunning view to generous glass walls, a dizzying altitude and a brutal dismissal of the male gender's appreciation for breathtaking vistas. That's right, no views for the guys. Harsh.
Best Kitsch: Cozy Noodles & Rice (Wrigleyville)
Kitschy bathrooms are easy to come by; just slap some pin-up girls on the wall, decoupage the toilet seat with old detergent labels, make a chandelier out of those lawn flamingos and—voila—a delightfully tacky decor is born. Such retro-enthusiasm has become the standard for the ironic hipster restroom, but it takes a certain amount of panache to rise above this increasingly boring aesthetic. Well, it takes a certain amount of Pez, at least; the walls of the ladies' room at Lakeview's Cozy Noodles & Rice have been spackled with hundreds of Pez containers (Evanstonians: your location ain't too shabby, either). The decor serves as an altar to the legendary product, cartoon characters throughout generations, and the fallen "choco" flavor of this mighty rectangular candy. The men's room sports a similar treatment with action figures.
Most Fetish-friendly: SushiSamba Rio
Making a public restroom sexy is no easy feat, but using it as a catalyst for luring out the inner exhibitionist in a tipsy clientele is just, well, pure brilliance. Leave it to a see-and-be-seen fusion joint to build a bathroom around our closet fetishes. Industrial sinks with exposed plumbing aren't the only design highlights in the adjoining men's and ladies' rooms at SushiSamba Rio. A peek-a-boo wall separates the genders, exciting that voyeuristic streak in all of us. Catching a stray glimpse of a stranger applying lipstick, adjusting a collar or even washing his or her hands is a turn-on that stops short of creepy—but just barely.
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