Like oil is its blood and wind its breath, hamburgers are Mother's Earth's wonderful, meaty milk. Those of us here in the land of the free, the home of the brave, need hamburgers for sustenance, to stay strong and fight the good fight.

Thank goodness for Burger Baron then, huh?

Certainly, the name of this place is self-explanatory (unless it brings to your mind images of a cartoon German pilot from World War I unsuccessfully trying to steal all of our hamburgers); that said, it doesn't go far enough in making you fully understand how absolutely delectable the hamburgers are, especially for a bare-boned, by-the-basics "fast food joint" on the near West Side. See, the Baron is a neighborhood standby, which means, essentially, that nothing ever changes, no one (employee-wise) ever leaves, it looks two decades old (at least), and most importantly, they've gotten really good at making grilled meat mountains. It's a good thing, too, because that deliciousness (in conjunction with the fairly cheap prices) will help you forget the cold shoulder you'll likely receive from the grumpy guy you order from. Heads up: He yells those orders so loud you might want to purchase ear plugs before dropping by.

But we digress -- you came for the food, so let's talk about the food. The pure beef char-broiled burgers include the half-pound baron burger ($4, recommended), half-pound baron cheeseburger ($4.35), half-pound patty melt ($5), half-pound hamburger ($4) and turkey burger ($3.55). Special baron picks (with excellent French fries and a medium drink) include the Italian beef and sausage combo ($7.70), meatball sandwich ($7.20), buffalo chicken sandwich ($7.55), buffalo wings ($8), gyro sandwich ($7.40, recommended) and rib-eye sandwich ($7.70). If that wasn't enough, the menu also has omelets ($4-$5.25), chicken sandwiches ($3-$5.05), Greek sandwiches ($4.50-$5.50), fish sandwiches ($3.85-$5.25), Italian sandwiches $3.80-$5), croissants ($4.25), seafood dinners ($8-$9), BBQ dinners ($6.30-$16), low-carb wraps ($4.40-$5.60), hot dogs ($3-$4.40) and salads ($3-$6.25).

Frankly, it's way too much food for a single visit, so we might just have to stop by for a second. Yeah, that should just about cover everything.

Centerstage Reviewer: Benjamin Andrew Moore